So many tools I have lifted, practiced, put down, left them
to gather dust, cobwebs, deteriorate while I picked up yet
another one, lifted, practiced, put it down and once again
put it down to gather dust.
Till a moment arose, that I remembered all those other tools and
gathered them into One Basket, tools for weaving, tools for carving,
tools for breaking apart, and tools for putting together.
Many, many more moments passed till one day I reached into my Basket,
and the tools became One with my hands, no longer disparate,
they flowed from the Force within me as if made for me, from me, with me…
My creations/destructions grew in breadth till I could not contain them
any longer and they took wing and flew away on their own, animated,
Terrified, confused, bewildered by what I had done and become, I closed
the door, padlocked the gates, desperate to remove the tools from my Self and make them separate once more, I struggled and became more and more less and less. Shrunken to a microcosmic size of my True Self.
Wrapped in Time once more, awareness flooding what Is myself, understandings
pouring in faster than I can process them, drowning in Self-Awareness I begin again
to touch those tools long buried in ancient casks deep in ancient pits and far away
in lost skies.
And as I begin again, the pains of all of those days spent shrinking myself smaller
and smaller rise up to berate me and make me weep deep and abiding tears. I
had done this to Myself, no other had created this harm to self.
Slowly, as the sea passed from high to low tide again and again, I reclaimed what
I had lost. Some through great Grace and others through greater effort. Till I had them bound and part of me once again.
Facing the Terror that had originally sent me spinning, ready to try again at the Creation Wheel of Existence.
Each movement, each breath of creation a Work of Art upon my own soul-self. I have
become a co-creator of my own’s soul’s direction, one hammer blow at a time. I
destroy that which no longer suits me and whirl into existence that which will make me
More rather than Less.
My Basket is gone, my tools are now Within All that I Am. And while there are days and moments that drag on while my deeper self slogs through the remnants of my despair each step takes me closer and closer to my Fullest Expression.
L. Ross 12/12/2014 (All Rights Reserved)