I suppose that seeing where you are going when you are in the middle of the experience can be a bit daunting. I’ve always worked very hard to hone my eagle ability. To pull back and look at the full view rather than the moment by moment bits and pieces that tend to snag your attention and keep you lost in the moment of will I trip over the next rock? or will I make it over that next peak?
Over time, I’ve learned how to do both at the same time. I call it my “split screen”. For those of you who use more than one monitor with their computers, you might understand what I’m talking about, except I do this inside my self. Of course, this can lead to all sorts of problems internally. You can lose your “being in the moment” qualities, or start to split yourself in two trying to be in both places at once. In the beginning of my practice I often found myself floundering when both thinking and speaking because I could see both parts at the same time. My communication skills were erratic and confusing to others because I would start a conversation speaking in this moment and switch half way through to the big picture. I’ve since smoothed that out a bit, but it still happens. 😛
Everyone has these abilities. Remember the last time you were listening to a friend, co-worker, family member and they were going on about some life/work choice and you think to yourself “why, well didn’t they see that sooner?” or “I would have done this rather than that, its so easy to see so and so was an idiot”, and on we go judging away. Then one day we find ourselves in the same situation as the one we judged and we can’t find our own way out of the forest. Yup. Just like that.
I think my worst moments were the ones where fear had me by the throat. No matter the cause, the more intense the situation was the more present I became till I was literally panting from one breath to the next. Nirvana? no, absolute terror does it every time. For me, that level of presence in the moment is more than I can withstand. I prefer my mix of mouse and eagle. Up close, yet distant. Though those that have interacted with me haven’t always appreciated this facet of my self.
So how does this relate to today? Well, I can’t see the forest right now. I can guess at its size and configuration. I can ponder what it contains and what I might find. Mostly, I find myself wandering both figuratively and literally through the trees considering where to put my considerable pile of experience. How to put it into action in some significant way that will bring satisfaction and joy. Oh, and some extra money to play with as well, that would be nice. 🙂 (the dream of all of us living on a standard amount day to day)
In the meantime, I craft, hike, cook and care for those around me. Which, for this moment, is just enough.
SoulHiking 